NCISfamilyissues
by Jayde Phoenix
Summary: The NCIS family tell their secrets of murders and other crimes.


The NCIS Family gathered in the dark squad room in what tony calls a 'campfire'. everyone was staring at special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, who had been pushed out of a plane that morning only instead of crashing to his death, he happened to land quite gracefully on the ground, then almost blown up by Ziva's 'new and improved' spike bomb.

"I'm sorry" Ziva said

"never say sorry it's a sign of weakness" replied Gibbs

"i think maybe it's time to share some secrets, we've known each other for long enough and we owe each other that much" said a very confused Ducky, "I'll go first then. yesterday i almost killed palmer. he was just pissing me off so much and i had a bone saw in my hand and i got the overwhelming urge to impale it in him."

Gibbs even looked slightly taken aback at Ducky's confession

"by the way where is palmer" asked a slightly frightened Tony.

"dead" replied Ducky.

"i thought you said you almost killed him not actually killed him" Gibbs started to shout.

"oh i didn't kill him" started Ducky, "i went down to autopsy two hours later and he was lying dead on the floor".

"oh ok then" Gibbs replied, not caring.

"why don't you care?" questioned Tony.

"do you want to do the paperwork?" answered Gibbs.

"ok then. but who killed him?" asked McGee

"uh that would be me" replied Ziva, edging out of the shadows, "he was being really annoying"

"ok" said Gibbs, taking a sip of his coffee.

"ok, ok, me next!" demanded Abby.

"ok Abbs" replied Gibbs.

"i reserected Kate" confessed Abby.

"you what?!" asked the team in unison

"KATE" called Abby.

The NCIS family urned around and Kate ran into the room.

"i got into some dark magic, you know to go with my dark self" Abby answered the stunned faces.

"ok. ok... Tony, you're next" commanded Gibbs

"but boss..."

"no but's"

Tony gave a hurt kind of look then went into 'deep' thought.

"sorry I'm late. was in a conference in MTAC..." started Director Jenny Shepard.

"oh you're just in time to hear Tony's confession" said Ziva

"ok.." said Jenny, confused.

"anyway" began Tony, "i broke into Ziva's house and stole her knives"

"you little barsta..." started Ziva

"i poisoned Tony's coffee" shouted McGee

"HA" snorted Ziva

Sure enough within two minutes Tony began to cough and gag, and within the next five minutes he was dead.

"I'll get the body bag" volunteered ducky.

"no. just leave him. he adds a certain decorative touch." said Gibbs.

"ok... Gibbs you're next!" demanded Abby.

"no. Jen is"

Jenny Shepard gave him a sadned reproachful look.

"fine" she muttered, "i blew up that bank the other day".

Gibbs gave her the 'Gibbs stare'.

"fine" Jenny muttered again, "i blew up he gun shop too".

Gibbs continued to stare.

"ok" shouted Jenny, "the bank refused to give me money and the gun shop refused to give me weapons! so i shot them and took it anyway, then blew them up to hide the evidence!"

"sweet! free weapons!" shouted Gibbs, getting up and running for Jen's office.

5 minutes later Gibbs returned carrying a backpack filled with guns, bombs and other various explosives.

"Gibbs what about you're MOAS?" questioned Abby.

"MOAS?" asked Jenny.

"Mother of all secrets" answered Abby, "well? Gibbs?"

"i rigged NCIS to explode in 10 minutes" replied Gibbs, "oh and i had agent Lee swallow a spike bomb, a perfect example of SHC"

"SHC" questioned Jenny.

"Spontaneous Human Combustion" answered Abby.

"aren't you guys the least bit frightened that i plan on blowing you all up?" asked Gibbs.

"wait. you were serious?" questioned Ziva

"would i be running for he exit if i wasn't?" asked Gibbs.

"So you're going to blow us all up?" demanded Jenny.

"uh no not all of you" replied Gibbs, "hmm lets see i slept with you Jen so you don't die... and... well how bout i just kill Ziva?"

"works for me!" rushed Jenny, "quick we only have 5 minutes left.

Gibbs quickly handcuffed a stunned looking Ziva to her desk, and ran for the exit, Abby, McGee, Jenny and Ducky trailing behind.

They got to the elevator and Gibbs hit the down button and the doors sprang open.

"NERD!" he shouted, shoving McGee out at the last moment.

when they got to the bottom floor Gibbs disabled the elevator and turned to ducky.

"sorry Duck" he said, pulling out his gun and delivering a virtually painless head shot to his friend, "right then that's that".

he turned to Abby and Jen. anticipating that they were about to die they ran, but Gibbs caught them and handcuffed them to a pole.

"you get out you live" he said, kissing them each on the forehead, then dashing for the exit.

BOOM!

'ah maybe i shouldn't have pretended to be with Al-Qeada, and i probably should have got that magic reserection spell from Abby before i killed her' he thought.

"GIBBS" screamed a frantic looking Abby, running from the ruins of the NCIS headquarters.

'this will be interesting'.


End file.
